
Sometimes I worry [I know] that I spend more time looking ahead than living in the
moment and focusing on making a difference right now.
I'm at home with Abby this morning---she wasn't feeling well so we missed church. I love being at home...because honestly, I don't get to spend that much time here these days. What a 180 from life three years ago when I was home always! I captured this image out the front door this morning...just one of those little blessings to my heart. Spring is beckoning. Abby being sick, maybe its a little blessing in disguise too...we had coffee, I made her breakfast and we had some time...just her and I. Something else that doesn't happen very often.
The t.v. was on the Sunday morning show with Bob Scheiffer- revisiting the shooting at Newtown, detailing the tragedy in Boston and it is just heartbreaking, gutwrenching. I think we've all just grieved tremdously over these terrible losses. It just verifies to me how fragile life is and going back to my first thought--- if I spend all of my time focusing on how everything will be better a year from now, two, five...well, then I'm missing the whole point of it all, aren't I? These events are a reminder to me that I really need to live in the moment. Enjoy each minute, each hour each day...because there is no promise of tomorrow. The reason I am "looking forward" is just that I'm so burned out with the busy-ness of my life. There's a saying...if the devil can't make you sin, he'll make you busy. I know there are many that spend more hours than me working, schooling, etc...but I don't want this busy life. I don't like this confusion so I guess I am just hopeful that life will slow down and I can return to some normalcy after I get finished with school. I found some scripture in Ecclesiates chapter 2 that addresses busyness if you share my dilemma and care to read. Yes, I search the scriptures...
And Jesus said in Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
{Note: sometimes these blogs are just me talking to me...and if I feel like I'm having a conversation with you, then maybe I can sort my thoughts out a bit easier...right? Writing is my little therapy session.}
I've spent a good deal of time over the last few months with some bitterness in my heart. Here, I've had this great blessing of a dream being realized-- getting to go back to school, but I'm concerned it is much more of a burden on my family than I thought it would be. This is why I spend too much time focusing on the future...of course, I feel that it will all be better come next May when I get done with school. So I am just sort of living in this confusion...and I just need to stop and smell the roses. The ones that are blooming right now. Take my own advice and live day by day. Roll with it. Enjoy it.
I had planned on spending the entire day Saturday playing catch up on homework. But, did I?
Nope.
I just decided to enjoy my day...to smell those roses, to listen, to enjoy the day with the family and spend some time getting my hands dirty and marking some things off of my to do list at home.

Scott's expanded his garden and if we can keep the deer out we'll have a bounty of produce!

I worked in my flower beds, I try to stick with perennials and things that are easy to care for and I don't have to spend the entire summer watering. Our backyard is completely shaded with a canopy of huge oaks...let's just say I haven't figured out how to grow grass yet!

I planted seed in milk jugs to start and this has proven successful! Will be transplanting these soon.
Yes, I spent the entire day playing in the dirt. Working in the yard, my herb garden, moving plants...we did take a break to go down to the Spinach Festival and eat some funnel cake. I accomplished one project that has been on my to do list for about five years! It felt pretty good.


At the end of the day Scott built a fire and we roasted hot dogs and made smores. It was so nice to sit by the fire, the cool air carrying the sounds of the kids playing around the front. Sounds I haven't "listened" to lately since I spend much of my time in busy confusion these days.
My prayer this week is that I can find a balance. That I can manage what has to be done and what needs to be done with what should be done. A balance I've been seeking for years, I suppose.
And with that I'm praying that I can still get everything done that I need to!!! (for school/finals) ...let's see, I have to print, letterpress and bind an edition of 5 books for my Fine Printing and Bookbinding Class; design a board game, box and all the components + finish a Japanese package design for my Packaging Design Class; design a collage and self portrait for Production Techniques class and write a recommendation report about buying running shoes and write a final analysis for my Writing for the Workplace class...whew...in addition to my regularly scheduled life. :) LOL!
I'll leave you with this thought:
